When we meet a new friend, a boss, or even a new lover, we are sometimes awestruck about their wonderful qualities and place those above our own view of ourselves. In this temporary state of awe that occurs, as we selectively see qualities, we tend to overlook, denying or minimizing someone’s shortcomings. In this process, we may unconsciously believe that the sum of these selectively qualities somehow becomes a measure of their worth as a human. In comparison, our inner belief often highlights an insecurity that we are somehow falling short and worth less of a person.
Often, when our focus is in this “projected illusion” state, we then strive to be more like them, model them or gain self-worth by association with them. Sadly, that often comes at the prices of our own authentic growth, as we adjust our compass towards someone else instead of stating true to our own self, path and calling.
When we idealize someone, sooner or later we begin to see their flaws, and can often experience grief or feel upset at learning they are just every day human beings after all. We realize the illusion and as it shatters, we grieve the loss of that very illusion.
Perhaps the most important question is, why did we need that illusion in the first place? What is it making up for in our life? In what way did we feel it would redeem us or improve us in a way we feel we were unable to do for ourselves. If we can understand what attracted us to the need for this illusion, we can perhaps use that as a signal for our own growth.
Choosing to not put others on a pedestal, allows for an equality that is important in authentic relationships. It strips away the projection and allows both people to be on the journey together, in an authentic and human way. Allowing someone to be who they truly are, is also a way of honoring and accepting ourselves, imperfections and all. After all, the beauty of life and relationships lies in authentic connection.